Welcome to unreality. The fact you’re here means you’re probably tired or bored with current affairs and whatever part you were supposed to have in it. Why not change out all that crap about career and family for some good ol’ television? We’ve been working on it like it was the cure for cancer you know. The best part is, you—yes, you—can participate in the show. Isn’t that what you always wanted? Who needs pesky ol’ reality when you can just jump into a show, make a splash, and have the good life instead?
We’ve got plenty of people already participating. They’ll show you how much fun it can be playing an extra in this show, and they’ll help you rationalise the unreality away, too. “How unreal can it be when it pays real money? People are making millions slinging AI. It must be the real deal then!”
You too can get yours. You, too, can play the part and be the big wig and have $30 million thrown on your lap at nineteen. You, too, can participate in the veritable orgy death ritual where we all go to a big campfire in the desert and microdose chemicals that nobody’s even heard of. You too can parlay your stardom into politics, waltz into government, and make sweeping changes because you’re just that great and awesome. You, too, can have people fawn over you and have mistresses lining up to give it up for you. You, too, can achieve all the things, nevermind the work, nevermind the lessons needing learned, the virtues be damned, reality be damned. When you sell your soul to us—when you join us in this living metaphysical Hell—you can rule the world and sweep all your nightmares under the rug.
You don’t have to care about any part of the world that doesn’t interest you. It’s all there for your enjoyment and entertainment. Nothing that exists is worth keeping if it doesn’t please you. Any problem or suffering in the world is only meaningful inasmuch as you can use it to make yourself apparent in your inherent awesomeness, so please, help those trapped children in Thailand. Overwhelm that local restaurant with your campaign and pay everybody off so they think you were a decent guy about it. Everyone exists to be props in your world, and don’t worry if you’re playing as a prop in someone else’s fantasy – someday you’ll have your moment to shine. That was the deal, after all. We’re all here to trade knives in the back so we can get the prize without having to do all of that pesky, lonesome suffering and work.
And I mean, jeez… isn’t all of this suffering enough? Who are they to say you aren’t suffering like hell to put up with everyone else all day? They don’t know what it’s like – no, they don’t care what it’s like. Right. They’re out for themselves, just like you are for yourself. It’s only logical right? The only one who’s ever gonna look out for you is you. Family, career, friends… all of these are tools of appearance levied into the employ of successful players. It’s all so clear and simple.
And hey, some of these burdens have their perks too, right? You just have to decide what you want out of the exchanges and put up with the rest. There’s always more room to bargain for yourself, and you must bargain for yourself. No one is looking out for you but you, remember? So keep making deals. Make a deal with your wife. Make a deal with your children. And like any dealmaker, be prepared to break those deals when it suits you. They would only do the same. And if not, they should. Why would they not? Are they stupid? They ought to be clued in to how cold and rough the world really is. It’s not your fault if you leave them high & dry – best time to learn that lesson is now, right?
And when the going gets tough, the tough get going. You’re tough, so you’ll meet all of the challenges reality throws at you with your tireless and iconic stoicism. Morality and ethics are all relative. Keep the show going – it’s working! It’s working! – the money is rolling in, and no one can argue with that. The fame is coming in, and no one can argue with that. The allegations are rolling in, but anyone would argue with that… the charges are coming in, but someone should argue with that… the judgements are rolling in, but anyone can argue with that… the sentences are coming in, but…
…did you forget something?